Sunday, February 1, 2015

News You Can’t Use: Super Bowl Edition

“Brothers and sisters: I should like you to be free of anxieties,” says Paul in today’s second reading. He was speaking to New England Patriots football fans.

Be free of anxiety, I say: The New England Patriots will win Super Bowl XLIX by seventeen points. This blog is already on record.

Since the over-under is settling at 47 1/2, I’ll even give you a score: Patriots 30 – Seahawks 13. Take the under. Barring special teams disaster for the Patriots, Seattle cannot score more than one touchdown, probably on the first drive after the Patriots defer on the coin flip.

The Las Vegas betting line opened two weeks ago favoring Seattle, but the smart money swooped in, bet heavily on New England, and the line moved to pick-em (even). The smart money is on the Pats, people.

Want more proof?

Only one seven-figure bet had been placed as of yesterday and it was on New England. The majority of six-figure wagers were also on the Patriots.

Today, New England is a five-state area. Connecticut is out. They’re all Giants fans, part of the bloated Tri-State Area (NY, NJ, CT).

Outside New England, you are probably rooting for Seattle, you hate the Patriots the way I hate the Yankees, and you just absolutely detest (or should) the man pictured at the top of this post. He is Jonathan Kraft, heir apparent to the Patriots as eldest son of Robert Kraft and head of the family business empire.

When I first heard Jonathan Kraft interviewed on radio ten years ago, I thought, That’s one smart man. The profile in today’s Globe reinforces that impression.

Bottom line: You will be hating the Patriots a while longer. Jonathan Kraft is only 50 years old. He takes over soon from his 73-year-old dad. Professional sports starts with ownership. The Patriots’ success will continue. After Brady. After Belichik.

Still not convinced about today’s game? Here are five more reasons from Sports Illustrated why the Pats will win.

1. Tom Brady
2. The Pats’ dominant secondary
3. The Pats’ “versatile” run game
4. The Pats’ front seven on defense
5. Gronk

Time for mass. Then the guacamole.

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